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Often times, man has looked up to the sky and wondered, "Is there life out there?  Are there beings beyond earth?  When is my pizza getting here?"  I, although not an expert, would like to say, that I have single handedly found proof that, Yes, life does exist out there.  It comes in a form of a human being, but do not be deceived!  It is an alien!  Below I have several pictures of this fascinating creature, whom I have observed since freshman year...  I'll present the evidence, you draw the conclusions...

Interviews with Gary:

Sure, it appears to be a harmless human being, but do not be deceived!  This life form, although slow in mind and manner, can bring even the most enlightened to their knees and cry out for mercy.  The creature has advanced "mind numbing" techniques.  Speaking to the creature, or even attempting to communicate to it, puts immense pressure on you!  Do not try it!  The creature goes by the name... Gary.  He claims to be from Rochester, NY.  One of the most toxic cities in the United States.  Is it a coincidence?  Again, be aware!  His slow speech patterns and awkward mannerisms will surely have you saying... "What the fuck?"

It is important to note that Gary believes he has high mental capabilities.  Even the ability to move objects with his mind!  In this sequence of pictures (going clockwise).  We see Gary reading on using the "the force" of his mind (Beside him, his favorite beverage... BEER).  In the next picture, we see him trying to conjure his mind's power!  He looks up to the heavens and calls upon the power of his forebearers!  Finally, in the picture below, we see Gary attempt to summon the Bailey's to POUR ITSELF into the blue cups that he has before him!  Truly astounding!

The creature has all strange markings about him!  What do they mean, what do they represent??  We are still unsure.  Perhaps he is a warrior and these are the markings of his home planet's war paint.  Perhaps he really loves tattoos.  Or perhaps, he's just a sloppy kid and doesn't know how to properly use markers... we may never know.

Below, we have photos of what we believe is to be either a mating dance, or perhaps some form of communications,  just like the dance of honey bees.  It may be possible, although highly improbable, that the creature is very socially active and dances for enjoyment...  If there is anyone out there who can enlighten us... feel free to send comments!

We will publish more evidence as it becomes available... If you have spotted the creature loping around Ithaca's campus (it walks with a peculiar step) be careful!  If you have pictures available of this fascinating creature and would like to partake in its study, contact us!  For now, we'll leave you with one final sequence to consider... Until next time...

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